*~*~iN dReAmY pArAd|sE wHeRe | cAn FaCe No ReA||tY~*~*

Friday, May 30, 2008

...wO zHeN dE sHoU gOu Le...

everything is not what you see...
how much do you all even know me???

i'm strong minded...
i'm straight forward...
i'm firm at work...
i'm very emotional...
i'm never personnal...
i can be sarcastic and mean...
i can be nice and crazy...

but do you all know how dumb i am???
i keep things to myself...anything and everything...
am always putting on a brave front......
how many of you actually see me breaking down and cry???
i'll say not even a hand full...

who and what exactly am i to you all???
a nobody...a bitch...bossy...demanding...
draggy...lazy...lousy...biased...disgusting...
unreasonable...all in all fucked up...

sad to say all these to put myself down...
but i've heard enough......
heard enough of all you people's judgements...

i'm utterly disappointed...
you people expect me to do things your way...
expect me to know what you all feel or think...
expect that i know everything...

but can i ask......
how many spoke to me about how they feel???
how many spoke to me about what they want???
how many asked me why that decision???
nobody...

yet many expect me to know...
yet many complained about me...
yet many hear the complains...
yet many agree with whatever heard...

then can i ask again......
how true is the source???
is it fair to hear what you want to hear only???
is it fair to only hear from one side???
how many clarrifed the source of what you had heard???

let me tell you this...do not assume...
meixian is not a God...
meixian do not know unless you speak up...
don't expect me to know anything unless you spoke to me about the matter...
don't expect me to know anything unless you heard me hearing the issue...
because by assuming...it only make an ASS out of U and ME...

from the very day i was in this post...
every single day...SA dance is a part of my life...
it's always haunting me with problems...
from the smallest...to the stupidist...
to the biggest...to those that can never be saved...
EVERYDAY!!! EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!
and yet i still have my own family matters to handle......

and i'm sick...sick and tired of all you people...
super pissed with you people...
nobody ask...nobody bother...
just there to ASSUME and EXPECT...

i have person A who say will support from now...
will be there to share my burden...to do his/ her own part...
but then??? where is this person during practices???

i have person B who say want this want that...
but had never spoken to me...and expect me to know...

i have person C who expect things to be done his/ her way...
pissed when decision made differs...
yet never question why the differences...
and then just going around telling others off...

i have person D always waiting for things to happen...
and when things go wrong...
he/ she only bother to sulk and wait for others to find solutions...

i have person E who is so hyper and entu...
always wanting to create or teach new stuff...
yet never consider the fact if members are up to it...
pissed when ideas are not approved...

i have person F who seeks for my opinon or approval...
when he/ she had already decided...
when action had already been implemented...

etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.

i can tell you i know all the little little happenings going on...
be it in front of me...or even behind my back...

so many things i do not even want to say
because i want to give everyone a chance to speak up...
and simply because after what we had gone through together...

yet...i realise how stupid i am...
no matter how many told me to hang on...
no matter how many people ask me to quit...
no matter how many times i fail...
no matter how much i try...

you people just feel it's wrong if things turns out differently from what you want...

you people just think that i'm out to get you...

let me tell you all this...
decision made are not to please any single one of you...
decision chosen is dependent on which benefits the club more...
yes... i make the final decision...
and if you are not pleased with it...
then fine...please tell me...
i'm offering this piece of EXPECTING job to anyone now...

i would be pleased enough to let you have a try...
try working with school's regulations and limitation...
try working under pressure of those who you consider friends now...
try working with outside catherers mistakes and handling all situations...
try working with expectations and assumptions...

then tell me how the job is like...
it's always easier said then done...
and if you do the job better then me...
by all means...i'll give you the post...

if none speak of the matter...then i'll close this chapter...
and hope to see no more expectation and assumptions...

me myself & i 00:39

Monday, May 26, 2008

...SaTuRdAy...24. 05. 08...

i'll always remember i went into Changi Prison on this day...
for some "exchange arts programme" i will say...

FB...BE...VE...and of course us SA...were all there...
we sang and danced...and guess what??!
EXCHANGE PROGRAMME!!!
the prisoners too put up a very well done performance for us!!!

my goodness...i'm telling you...they were GOOD!!!
from instrumental playing...
to arcapella...to singing...to dancing...

drats...too bad we were short of time...
if not we could even see them act!!!
they even have drama lahz!!!

it's called PAC [performing arts centre]...
and they get professional training everyday...
from 9am to 5pm...and get paid for learning!!!
AND IT'S NOT ALL!!!
they have proper sound system...
proper lighting...proper instruments...
and proper staging with super soft carpet lahz!!!

damn cool right?!!
if can i really do not mind getting jailed...
get paid to learn...with proper environment and instructor...
plus a guranteed job hunted done by them...
what is there to complain about??!
it's all FREE-OF-CHARGE!!!
ALL are 100x better than what NYP provide us with...

"i'm washed out...
i've been put down...
i've been told i'm no good...

i feel so lonely...
i've been cheated...
i've been misunderstood..."

me myself & i 10:55

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

...NeEd A mIgHtY sAvEr...

ahhhh!!! can anyone save me??!
i'm so super duper bored!!!
ended school at 1050hrs...
ate me lunch...then project...

and now...i'm all alone...
nicholas and eunice left...sobsob...
in studio...stretching...
lolx...for once i'm hardworking...

going to do up my presentation soon...
yeah...goldfish come liao...
whahaha...got people entertain liao le...

ooo...i so happy...
pew pew say she help me do up blogskin...
she demanded me for pictures...
hahaha...yeah...siao...
i'm happy though i do not know how it looks like...

me myself & i 15:17

Saturday, May 10, 2008

i haven updated for ages...
it's not that i have been too busy...
it's just that i had so much in mind...
that i do not know where to begin with...

today at this point...it marks a new day's begining...
this week is more or less over...
i should say it's been a...hmmm...
erm...rather "interesting" week for me...

suddenly today...everything was so clear to me...
i saw through people's actions and character...
and it really made me wondered WHY...
there are so many whys...
but then again...why do we even compare???

is it fair to compare???
what sets the comparison marking???
who judges all the comparisons???
how exactly are comparison made???
and was there a need to even compare???

it not nice to put people down...
and it's also not nice being put down upon...
what's more from who that should actually understood us...

but i'm indeed thankful for all these happenings throughout this week...
i know i have not been voicing out how stressed i felt...
seriously speaking...after 2350hrs just now......
i felt the sense of relise like never before!!!

i've been under all this stress and pressure since thrown this job...
i've been telling myself that i will be strong...
that no matter what happened i will hang in there...
but no matter how i lie to myself......
i was always at the edge of breaking down...
because i never get the support i needed...
and nobody was there for me like they said they would be...

the only support i had all this while was SAO...
be it many a times i went up to edelweis to say take me off this post...
SAO stood by me all this while...
they were the only ones that adviced...
they were the only ones that provided me with choices...
they were the only ones that never push me to my wits...

i've sent over 80 messages in less than 10mins...
and that i've heard what most of you had said...
i'm so glad!!! beyond words could explain my happpiness!!!
that over this few days...people saw and felt what i did over 10 months...
and that from NOW onwards...IT'S OUR NEW BEGINING!!!

our passion burns for dance...
we are in this club together...
we work as one...
we support each person...
and most importantly...
we are here to learn together...

i thank God...
thank Him for treating us unfairly...
thank Him for letting all this happened in just four days...

i'm so proud of every single one of you!!!
because of this happenings...we stood as one...
we supported each and everyone emotionally...
for the first time ever in this club i felt such bond!!!

and together from now...
this bond will only burn even stronger!!!
that we will only work even closer together!!!
that nobody can break this special bonding in us!!!
we shall and we will sail through all storms together!!!

PS: thanks for all the support today...
i love you all Danz INC.!!!
we can do it!!! and we WILL do it!!!

me myself & i 01:05