...i Am BrEaKiNg DoWn...I gIvE uP... i'm typing this when dance class is going on... when stretching is being conducted... when everyone is dancing... seriously am not in the right state of mind right now... i know i should not be doing this... but i really need to control my feelings... and at this point...i feel like exploding... i've been keeping everything inside always... problem or not...stress or not... you will definitely see me smile... unless i breakdown... but now...... what did i know??? what did i do??? even the club name at state... i'm not even aware off... and what have i done??? do not know what i can do for dance... i do not know am i even up to it... everyone has their own thoughts and opinion... and when they had already decided... or when things had already happened... then i am being told... i feel so transparent... i feel so worthless... though i'm not talented... but because i really love dance... i rather sacrifice time with my boyfriend... i rather sacrifice time to go and work... it's not that i do not love him... it's not that i do not need money... but it's just that i have interest... maybe you all do not see how stress i am... maybe you all do not know how much problems i have... i seriously do not want to be the head... i seriously do not want these stress... i seriously do not want these responsibilities... i have already enough of it personally... i only want to treat this as a CCA... just want to come and go happily and freely... head or no head is it important??? i have people planning everything... i have people deciding everything... i have people who do not discuss with me.. i have people commending me... i have people telling me what to do... i have people who do not listen... i even have people asking me to F others when i feel there is a need to... just scold??? *laughs* do you think it's of any use??? who am i to tell people off??? i am not a good dancer...have no background... i am here today...able to dance... just because i hold on to it...till now... why am i in this position i do not know... but when you have no authority... plus not any good dancer... who would listen??? who am i to tell them off??? tell me tell me tell me!!! argh...i going crazy... i hate this...i hate it... be it seniors...be it juniors... where do i stand??? who the hell am i??? what pose am i holding??? take it...take it...take it... i do not want it... you can run the club by all means... i do not know what i have been doing... i do not know was it worth spending my time... i do not know was it worth my effort... i feel so silly and dumb... i have the urge on leaving... maybe it's time for me to go and leave the club in her hand... *tears just cannot stop rolling...i seriously hate myself...
me myself & i 18:34
EMOTIONAL
Mei Xian
nursing student
...full-time...
lamer
stoner
dreamer
...part-time...
having a break
LOVE LIFE
sleep eat dream
especially sushi
mango pudding cake
ice-cream chocolate
WISH LIST
More Clothes
White "Classy" Tote
Sports Bag
Lots of Pumps & Heels
A Wallet
Perm My Hair
New Belts
Digital Camera
DS Lite
Undergo Lasik
Attend a Shoe Design Course
Lots & Lots of $$$$
**need a job right now**
Try New Stuff to Build Confidence
MESSAGE
THINK POSITIVE...
it's the little little things in my life that allow me to hang on...
no matter how life is...it's just the perception point that varies the outcome view...
my life isn't empty but half-filled...and i'm contented...
