...wHaT dO yOu ExPeCt??? I'm LoSt... suddenly it all happened at a very one point of time... thursday...he broke the news to us that he is leaving for good... and seriously...i was stunned... without any pior notice or warnings... BANG...it was right in my face... and he thought i already knew about it...which i don't... with the sentiments and feelings for him... we already feel bad enough that he is leaving... yet...he still had to put things in the manner to make others feel so so rotten...when it wasn't our fault...... i do not wish to go into the details... because i have been recieving calls since after the news... during work...during sleep...all the way till now...it still have not stopped... repeated myself more then enough times... and the issue is not short at all... i am so lost...stressed...and pressurized... now that i am considered the head... i have so much responisiblilities on my shoulders... and my worries piles up higher with each incoming call... what if i cannot lead the club??? what if i do not get their cooperation??? what if i do not get their understanding??? what if i cannot hold the club together??? what if i made a grieve mistake??? what if i choose a wrong step??? what if i cannot meet up to the alumnis' expectation??? what if the club doesn't progress??? what if the club folds down because of me??? so many "what if" is in my head... and i feel that my head is going to explode any time... we were always having someone on top checking on us...nagging at us...pressurizing us...and screwing us up all the time... till the stage that we are all so used to it... that none of us actually thought of "what if he leaves us one day???" i have never been through this at all... and now...we're going to start from skretch... is the club going to survive??? are the members going to stay on??? how far the club can progress??? what is instilled for the club??? what direction is the club going towards??? etc...etc...etc... all of this are bombarded to me... and my head is spinning... spinning only with all this questions you've read... so many people talk to me... so many advices... so many lectures... so many opinions... my head hurts...... the more they say... the more i feel pressurized... the more inferior i feel... the smaller i felt... if given a choice...i would choose to not be head... for i feel i am not up to it... and if i can...i would want to run away... let someone else do the job... but i know i cannot...... and i know josh do not allow...... i cannot promise you that danz inc. will not face any failures... i cannot promise you that danz inc. will get an instructor... i cannot promise you that danz inc. can shine within a short period of time... i cannot promise you that danz inc. can get what achievements... i cannot promise you that danz inc. can progress how far... i cannot promise you that i can become a good leader... i cannot promise you that i can get followers to stay through... i cannot promise you that i can lead without mistakes... i have never ever been through this... and this is not even the least bit easy at all... but i can promise that i will try my very best to lead the club... to make mistakes and learn from...to fight and achieve benefits for the club...to hang on no matter how bad situations may be... i hope that...you guys that are left in the club... which is all that i have left in the club... to stay on...and we all go through this together... learn together...progress together... and most importantly...... to achieve something by our own...... and i hope...i will not let anyone of you down... most importantly...i hope i will not let the alumnis down...
me myself & i 05:12
EMOTIONAL
Mei Xian
nursing student
...full-time...
lamer
stoner
dreamer
...part-time...
having a break
LOVE LIFE
sleep eat dream
especially sushi
mango pudding cake
ice-cream chocolate
WISH LIST
More Clothes
White "Classy" Tote
Sports Bag
Lots of Pumps & Heels
A Wallet
Perm My Hair
New Belts
Digital Camera
DS Lite
Undergo Lasik
Attend a Shoe Design Course
Lots & Lots of $$$$
**need a job right now**
Try New Stuff to Build Confidence
MESSAGE
THINK POSITIVE...
it's the little little things in my life that allow me to hang on...
no matter how life is...it's just the perception point that varies the outcome view...
my life isn't empty but half-filled...and i'm contented...
