Sunday, November 25, 2007
...wHaT dO yOu ExPeCt??? I'm LoSt...suddenly it all happened at a very one point of time...thursday...he broke the news to us that he is leaving for good...and seriously...i was stunned...without any pior notice or warnings...BANG...it was right in my face...and he thought i already knew about it...which i don't...with the sentiments and feelings for him...we already feel bad enough that he is leaving...yet...he still had to put things in the mannerto make others feel so so rotten...when it wasn't our fault......i do not wish to go into the details...because i have been recieving calls since after the news...during work...during sleep...all the way till now...it still have not stopped...repeated myself more then enough times...and the issue is not short at all...i am so lost...stressed...and pressurized...now that i am considered the head...i have so much responisiblilities on my shoulders...and my worries piles up higher with each incoming call...what if i cannot lead the club???what if i do not get their cooperation???what if i do not get their understanding???what if i cannot hold the club together???what if i made a grieve mistake???what if i choose a wrong step???what if i cannot meet up to the alumnis' expectation???what if the club doesn't progress???what if the club folds down because of me???so many "what if" is in my head...and i feel that my head is going to explode any time...we were always having someone on top checking on us...naggingat us...pressurizing us...and screwing us up all the time...till the stage that we are all so used to it...that none of us actually thought of "what if he leaves us one day???"i have never been through this at all...and now...we're going to start from skretch...is the club going to survive???are the members going to stay on???how far the club can progress???what is instilled for the club???what direction is the club going towards???etc...etc...etc...all of this are bombarded to me...and my head is spinning...spinning only with all this questions you've read...so many people talk to me...so many advices...so many lectures...so many opinions...my head hurts......the more they say...the more i feel pressurized...the more inferior i feel...the smaller i felt...
if given a choice...i would choose to not be head...
for i feel i am not up to it...
and if i can...i would want to run away...
let someone else do the job...
but i know i cannot......
and i know josh do not allow......i cannot promise you that danz inc. will not face any failures...i cannot promise you that danz inc. will get an instructor...i cannot promise you that danz inc. can shine within a short period of time...i cannot promise you that danz inc. can get what achievements...i cannot promise you that danz inc. can progress how far...i cannot promise you that i can become a good leader...i cannot promise you that i can get followers to stay through...i cannot promise you that i can lead without mistakes...i have never ever been through this...and this is not even the least bit easy at all...but i can promise that i will try my very best to lead the club...to make mistakes and learn from...to fight and achieve benefitsfor the club...to hang on no matter how bad situations may be...i hope that...you guys that are left in the club...which is all that i have left in the club...to stay on...and we all go through this together...learn together...progress together...and most importantly......to achieve something by our own......and i hope...i will not let anyone of you down...most importantly...i hope i will not let the alumnis down...
me myself & i 05:12
Saturday, November 03, 2007
...tO yOu...If YoU kNoW i Am ReFeRiNg To YoU...to you...if you want others to know what you are thinking...then do not leave things said half way...you may think others know......what you are thinking...what you are expressing...who you are refering to...but...do they seriously know???do not ever assume...as it will only make an ass out of you and me...to another you...you may have special feelings...but has it ever occur to you to look at your own actions???you may not say...but actions speaks louder then words...your actions has hurt me more than you will ever know...as you never knew how i felt...i have always been invisible......only until you need me...am i not worthy enough???it's for you to say...but i never want to find out...
me myself & i 01:26
Friday, November 02, 2007
...sTuPiD dAy FoR Me...i over slept again...
hai...i so sorry i missed class...AGAIN...
totally knocked out...too tired..
that i felt and heard nothing at all...
had thousands of messages and missed calls...
my goodness...i am like so dead lahz...
think i screwed up my attendance...
only woke up at 2:10pm...
got a quick shower and cab to school...
as the bus will leave at 2:30pm...
went for rehersals at bishan park...
we are putting up the same items as lunch time...
only without "hello"...
so that means we are putting up 4 item...
which i die...as i am doing 3/4 of it...
trust me i was like a super big total idiot...
because i had to replace jing yi for "within"...
which...i do not know the blocking...let alone steps...
i am totally lost...
i have three days left before performance...
i really need to pull up my socks...
saturday the show is at 1pm...
i really do not have any more time to waste...
goodness...can anyone save me???
ahhhhhh...i am going nuts...ahhhhhh...
me myself & i 03:16
...31st OcToBeR 2007...
hey hey...good job people...well done and great effort!!!
love the booth deco...
though it actully kind off wasted...
but no worries guys...we can always re-use it...
thanks for the hard work... =)
yup...and there were past year videos...
guess what i spotted???
zee zee...with mushroom hair...
hahaha...soooooo CUTE!!!
i love the first item..."sexyback white returns"...
and zee zee was damn super SEXY lahz...
hai...too bad i did not take picture with her before performance...
but never mind...still have saturday...heez...
my ai ren-sss from dance company...
shu fen...yvonne...and PANDA [prisilla]...
i know i know...i kok...performed finish dan take picture...
hahaha...never mind...saturday saturday...
love their performance...
it is choreographed by uncle chee seng...
yeah~~...can watch it again on saturday...
went to eat after we practice "sexyback"...
got new casting for saturday...
so got new blocking...
i ask zee zee to eat...so got her order...
hahaha...she lazy...so i ask her go sit...and i'll collect her prata...
know she same as me need sugar...
but i got her 2 tablespoons full of sugar only...
and got a whole lot more for myself...
why??? because she cannot take too much sugar...
so she super kok when she scrape the little little sugar together...
muahaha haha... =X ...sorry lahz darling...
yaya...BEST JOKE EVER...said by zee...
"why is your ribena not red??" ...
because it is green tea...silly zee zee......hahazzz...
and she did the most obscene thing i have ever seen...
omg...super funny lahz...
banana is a NO NO NO for her okay...
went over to jessalynne's place with zee...she wanted to bake cake for her boy...she so SWEET right???
guess what cake???
it's chocolate...rather easy steps...but lots of patients needed...
we had two trails...first was the try out...i did most of the mixture...
and the second was the actual...done by zee and zee only...
and i did mango pudding for us...
we did a lot of funny things there...
especially zee...hahaha...
hahaha...i took lots of picture of her lahz...and on of jess...no me okay... =P
and i tell you something......do not tell others okay???
she look damn sweet when she is doing housework lahz...
wha...tell you we ate a lot...
cake...nata the coco...mango pudding...
wha...i'm fat sia...die...like pig already...baba one...hai...
ooo...she has a dog...and zee name it pig...hahazzz...
my cute pretty silly blur darling...zelia...
hahaha...totally enjoyed today...because of her...
zee zee...thanks for everything...
do not forget......
whatever it is...
whenever it is...
i am just a phone call away...
my phone is on 24/7...
so just call whenever you want or need...
love you always...*muckzzz*...cheez...
i'm so dead...zelia will kill me for what i had posted...
*zee never see...zee never see...zee never see* [chanting]...
me myself & i 02:33
