Tuesday, October 30, 2007
...LuNcH tImE pErFoRmAnCe...it is drawing closer and closer each day...it is this wednesday...12pm plus to 1pm..so...yup...doing only two item...
sexyback and hip-hop...i am super happy......because i am doing "sexyback"...zee zee's piece!!!but...i guess i still cannot meet her expectation yet ba...will polish will polish...mark my word for it...i promise...for hip-hop......seriously...i have no comments...if you know...you know...if you do not know...ask me...seriously...i am rather upset lahz...spent a lot of money on costume...not as though i got the money...buy buy buy...never mind...BUT the best part is that my BELOVED ZUL......never tell me he is not performing...argh...make me buy salsa hip-hop costume...in the end never perform...hai...waste money for nothing that item le...hai...
me myself & i 03:13
Saturday, October 27, 2007
...mEoMoRiEs WeRe BrOuGhT bAcK... the salon was playing some rather old music...
and of course it so happened that the songs repeats...
those were songs which he used to sing...for me...
memories came back...i felt so upset...wanted to cry...tears were at the edge of flowing out...i held them back...all of a sudden...there was the feeling there...
could not explain how i felt in words...
i just felt so..........................guess there are a lot of things that happen which i cannot explain...i cannot give you the answers you want...but neither do i want to find reasons or excuses...just want to tell you......i really loved the times we had spent together...and appriciate a lot of things you had done...but certain things are beyond our control...just like promises...i just hope to hear the best of you...and hope for the best for you......do you feel the same as me???...with love...
me myself & i 01:56
...fRiDaY...e-LeArNiNg DaY...
no school today...
met treasa at 1pm...
she also same same no school...
do not know what we should do...
so decided that she go trim eyebrown...
and i go rebond hair...
wanted to go to zee zee's salon...
but...too bad...it was closed...
so i went to my usual salon...
it took abt 3hours plus plus plus...
treasa trim a bit of her hair...
did her eyebrowns at jean yip...
did her make-up in the salon...
and took pictures of herself...
zi lian you know......
yup...it was rather costly...
hmmm...guess i should say expensive...
but not bad ba...got two treatment...
so...yup yup...got to save much much more money...
treasa left me at 6pm...
to meet *cough cough cough*...
ya...hahazzz...
and she ask jess to date me...
jess made me wait...from 6pm plus...
i waited till 7pm plus...
yup...waited till i fall asleep at the train station...
finally she came...
we went to eat...
but no space...so got to wait...
dinner time mahz...
hahazzz..."jess...all your fault..."hahahazzz...
then went to play arcade...
broke our own record...
and found a new game......
which was super entertaining lahz...
and if you are thinking about treasa......
TA ZHONG SHE QING YOU!!!!!!
engross with *cough cough cough* at vivo...
abondon jess and me...
hai...this kind of friend...hai...
me myself & i 01:38
Friday, October 26, 2007
...mY dArLiNg ZeLiA...
wanted to talk to zee zee about what happened on msn...
waited and waited...but she was not online...
in the end...i waited till she call me...
was totally surpsised that she called...
so sweet of her...*touched*...
talked for a very long time...
and ended up we hung up at 4am...
she did not sleep...but played games to stay awake...
all i want to say is......
" thanks darling...you're my angel...I LOVE YOU ALWAYS!!! "
me myself & i 11:13
...mY hEaRt SuNk To ThE vErY bOtToM...maybe you feel that i have not done alot on my part...
you could excuse her because of her problems...
but have you ever take into consideration that i have problems too???
you stressed on alot of things...
i was alone...
did not have help...
and have to meet up to your expectations...
reasonable or not it may be...
i still did always try to meet your expectations...
even though i have alot of problems...
even though i have attachments...
even though i am busy with my work...
true enough i did meet up all your expectations......didn't i???
seriously do not understand...
things i should do...i do...
things i should not do...i also do...
but then???
it seems that you are never satisfied with my actions...
then can you like tell me what you want from me???
i mean if you want to sack me...
i really do not mind...
you put the blame on me that i never inform you......
complained to so-and-so...
when the fact is that i did inform you...
and the so-and-so know that i did inform...
when i should not even inform...and got scolding for it...
and...hello...this is my "hui bao" from you...
as my ins...
i respect you...
seriously...
but i really do not want to carry on like this anymore...
just tell me what you want...
stop putting me through your miseries...
i had enough of it...that now......
i just want to breakdown...
and leave...
or just die......
me myself & i 03:36
Thursday, October 25, 2007
...tO a SpEcIaL SoMeOnE...
she look me up again...it seems like i am only visible only when she is in need...if not...i am transparent...and her newly found friends are the only ones she sees...she hurt me in a lot of ways...unknowingly i feel...and i hope...i said it many a times...but guess...she does not see my point...but i do not think it matters either...hahahahaha...seriously...i do not mind...at least......i can say i am useful...in one way or the other......though news came in late...it is always late...better than never...least i could do was to listen...and console a little...friends are like presents...hard to come by...especially good ones...so treasure them...do not wait till it is too late...for regrets get you no where...
me myself & i 01:40
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
...wHaT iS tHe PrObLeM mAn...
today practice...
i was totally pissed off...
though i went in super late...
but...trust me...
first...my aunty came for visit...
which was super wrong timing...
the last time it was late for two months...
and now it came two weeks after that...
goodness...it's super painful...
next...it was zul...
apparently he back out from lunch time...
and he never tell me...ahhhhhh...
argh...make me spend $15.90 for nothing...
waste my money get a top which i will not wear...
lastly...and the worst of all...
it was HER...HER HER HER HER HER...
i do not think i need to name anyone...
but HEY...for goodness sack...
hate people with NO BASIC MANNERS!!!
no red track pants i say help HER buy YESTERDAY...
still can say SHE want and thank me...
but just now in class...
SHE came to me...and guess what SHE said???
"you got enough pants...if not you give other people"
like that lai...guess what SHE did straight after that???
SHE found a spot next to me...sat down...
and took out a newly bought red track pants...
at that moment...
my mind was like "WHAT THE FUCK?!"
did you realise anything???
SHE did not address me by name......
nevermind...
but SHE did not even apologise!!!
oh my gosh...BLOODY HELL...
i mean please lahz...
i know YOU bought a nike pants...
which looks way better...
but YOU do not even have the courtesy to tell me that YOU
do not want it...before YOU buy the piar of pants TODAY......
nevermind...
but most importantly...
SHE did not apologise!!!
which i am so pissed of by...
because for the first time...
i made it so obvious that i was refering to HER lahz...
and SHE could act as though nothing happened...
when other juniors around HER know that i am aiming HER...
seriously...SHE disgusted me...
i know SHE is somebody's FAVOURITE...
somebody's EYE CANDY...
but so what if SHE is PRETTY???
so what if SHE is somebody's FAVOURITE and EYE CANDY???
big fuck is it??!
has no basic respect nor manners...
and taking advantage just because is somebody's FAVOURITE...
then can act as if nothing happened...
so fake...that i seriously can stand it no more...
SHE totally irritated me...
i am too pissed by HER...argh...
all i can say is...
SHE may have successfully gotten
into HIS good book...but not mine...
if SHE continues to find HER way through like now...
i swear and i will find fault with HER...
just to tell HER that SHE should not buy HER way through...
just because SHE is HIS FAVOURITE...
mx was totally pissed off for once in her life...after so so long...argh...
me myself & i 00:43
Monday, October 22, 2007
...ReCeNtLy...ReCeNtLy...
was keeping in touch with him...
seems to be he has lots of problem himself...
funny thing is that he has problem......
yet still want to lend a helping hand...
thanks but no thanks... =) ......
somebody has been having menses very frequently...
i do not have to state who nor his name...
you guys should know...
i mean...not that i am going against him or what...
but at times...seriously...
i do find him crossing the border too much...
frankly...being sandwich between him and sdo...
do you guys know how much stress i feel???
and how difficult the choices are for me to make for the rest???
his nice...and i respect him...
but there are times...
i just hope he feel for us...
hai...if only he see from our point of view......
work school dance...
work school dance...
work school dance...
seriously...i just want to balance them out...
so i can get rest time and free time for myself...
but till now...i can't...
work load is too much for me...
it is not that i cannot handle stress...
it is just that i do not like stress...
hate stressors......
me myself & i 01:33
Monday, October 15, 2007
...fIrSt DaY oF sChOoL...15th october...school started...went to school with an empty bag...no books...no stationeries...nothing...but rubbish...had excuse letter from 9am - 1pm...first programme of the day...practice in auditorium...tomorrow is SEG's open house...anyway...timing and steps should be tighten up more...need more sharpness...at least...that was what i feel...second programme of the day...breakfast at mac...missed the breakfast...but do not miss the fats...seriously i need to cut down on my intake...and start healthy eating...third programme of the day..."stealing" bandage from SAO...ms amy allowed...but was caught by mr wee...lalalalalala...he joked as usual...so...yup...got the bandage for rabiah...WITH approval of course...hahazzz......fourth programme of the day...went back to auditorium at 12pm for practice again...we marked the stage...and ran twice with music...seriously...without the people in front...plus those better or good dancers......i must admit...it was rather messy the second time...fifth programme of the day...went for class at 1pm+++...guess i went there just to mark my presence...it was BIOLOGY...as usual...meixian will never pay attention...hard to...too chim to understand...much much more chim for her to remember...instead i did handy craft in class...helped feli with her barang barangssssss...sixth programme of the day...met up with nicholas to practice slasa hip-hop...had one hour break...so made use of it...noted the changes made when i was not around...and kind of build chemistry ba...hahazzz...if you know what i meant.........zee zee darling and some others were too in studio...doing her sexy back returns...i watched...and......tears went rolling down...my heart sank...really want to do her piece for 31st...but due to attachment...was not able to turn up for casting day...come to think of it again...... *cries*...sometimes...i just feel like saying i hate attachments...*cries cries cries* ......seventh programme of the day...went for clinic lab...sadly...with WEI LIN...omg!!!she in my class for lab...hai...die man...she die of irritation soon...and know how irritating i can get...
me myself & i 21:49
Monday, October 08, 2007
...i KnOw...AnD i MuSt...
danz inc. camp is officially over...
though everything was very last minute...
though i screwed up many times...
it still came to a good end...
guess most of the people had fun...
but...i myself???
if anyone could have known me better......
would know exactly how i felt...
i will not deny that i did had fun...
but the main was not fun......
guess i screwed up a lot of times...
from rooms...to schedule...to budget...
to bus...to food...to timing...to camp tee...
to games...to instructions...to presents...
to dance steps...to partnering work...
totally agree that i take up a lot of things on my own...
totally know that it was a great burden by doing so...
but still i did...
guess i am seriously to stubborn...
i stressed myself up so much...
but too i recieved a lot of it...
i cannot handle stress well...
seriously i was at the edge of breaking down many a times...
cried lots of times...but hung on to it...
coz currently there is no other people around to over see...
i am not a person to lead...but only a person to shoulder...
that is my biggest problem...and it will not be easy to change...
i have been shouldering everything since young...
so seriously...i cannot take charge in allocation...
and since nobody offers...i will take on as usual......
the only thing i left to say now is...
do not push me to the end of my limits......
coz i will definietly breakdown and
give up on everything i hold in hand...
no matter how unwilling i am...
i am sorry...i must be strong... i just left with a few months...never sleep for 38 hours yesterday...yup...i am super tired...i have learnt the art of sleeping as i walk...it was dangerous...i must say...and seriously would never want to perform it again...was so tired that the first thing i did was bathe and sleep...but then i forgotten about my alarm...and i overslept...till i forgotten about my attachment...went to the doctor as i was not feeling well as well...and got an MC for my attachment...seriously angry with myself...how dumb and screw up can i be??! *argh*
me myself & i 22:46
...aLl I cAn SaY iS sOrRy...seriously...i do not know what is going on...him and me...me and him...which ever it is...which ever it was...it had all already past...which i really do no understand...and am toally confused...when we were together...everything was fine......when we were seperated...i was to blame......when i wanted to have a break...he said so many hurtful words...and his friend acutally confronted me......when i started a fresh...he spoke ill of me to his friends......i had enough...gave up...never bothered...never cared...do not know if it was whetherhe started a new relationship...or had someone special in mind...he came and told me that he threw awayevery single thing i gave all those four years plus...and that he will not bother me ever again...i mean...please...what is wrong with him???never mind what happened...i am fine with it...i ignored...i tolerated...now...after so long...i do not know what had gone wrong...again...he started to message me...asking me how have i been and all that...asking if i am coping well...saying things like he could not bear me in hardship...and best of all...assumes that i read all his messages...recently...he message me again...saying that he is going to work to help me pay of my fees...and saying that he needed a friend to talk to and stuff...frankly speaking...i do not mind being friends...but he was the one who broke it with his hurtful words...and now...i do not know...ask me anything...and i will answer your question...but please tell me what to do...or just give me a direction......knows that he had his own problems too...do not mind if all that he needed was a listening ear...but no longer can i hold a position as a friend with him no more...all i could say is...i'm sorry...
me myself & i 21:19
