Saturday, September 30, 2006
hmmm...it actually feels rather long since i last online...which was the last time i last posted...okay lahz...16 days...detached from the net...from the world...seems like no difference to me too......
you asked why i never blog for so long...it's because i've lost myself...lost my emotions...lost my heart...lost my words......i'm disappointed...but this time......guess i'm disappointed with myself instead......
attachment...enjoyable...interesting...and learnt a lot......toally drained out...not because of the hours...but of attachment and work...though i'm truely tired but it was totally memorable......yet...i still felt so much...had many thoughts......society...people's thoughts and selfishness...sickness...accidents...life and death...seen it all...but some how...for the first time i can no longer relate...and i just do not know the reason why...everything is just so complicated...can it all be as simple as ABC???
we never do cherish those around us when we had the chance to...till we lose them...we regret......then...what's the point??? this uncle in my ward was so nice...so friendly...so funny...so cute...though i only saw him for a day...i still miss him...he left......i didn't see his family...nt a single one of them...i felt sad...for i could do nothing......life...so short...so unpredictable...shouldn't we all hold on close together...love and cherish each other's company while we still can??? no matter how difficult life is...smile and move on...it brightens your day...and it too brightens up others......no matter how rough the road is...at least...we still have each other by our side...every exit is an entry to somewhere...somewhere better...because there is no shortcuts to any place worth going......i love you...forever...*crying in process*
me myself & i 01:06
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
...thoughts thoughts thoughts...
...friends...
friends...i have plenty......but true ones...are lesser dan expected...friends that can tell what i'm feeling deep within when i'm putting on a brave front...is even lesser......suddenly...fill so disappointed with myself...it's always the same routine...i'm visible when my friends are feeling down...and invisible when their happy......you say that i'm always there for my friends...but i'm not...in fact i feel empty most of the time...it's just that you don't know me enough......after so long...only a friend can tell my actual feelings...touched...very touched...because i myself can't tell...i've already lost myself some years back......why can't everything be plain and simple??? why can't i grow up in a better environment??? must everything be that complicated??? i really wonder......
...relation...
4years 40days...i still gave up the relation in the end...i'm sad......but then i'm tired already...so long of clinging on...but still it can't be helped...no longer do i wanna feel the way that i do like the past...because it's terrible...you will never understand how i felt at my most difficult times and you weren't there...yet you still added on burdens to my emotions...commitment...trust...love...i give up...no matter how a shattered heart is glued back together...the scars would always remain...so will the memories of hurt......i'm sorry......
...family...
more problems...more arguements...more fights...more wounds...more blood...more tears......why must everyone be so calculative??? why must they find fault with everything...everybody??? why can't they just treat it simple??? is it that great to argue and fight over such matters??? and getting physical and emotional hurts...injuries??? is it worth bleeding??? is it worth screaming??? is it worth the tears??? what is the point??? to hurt each others feelings??? have they too lost their directions??? things are just getting more complicated everyday......
...me...
been rather busy lately...some of you ask me to take care of my sick body...but frankly it's not just to earn money for school...it's true that i need money...but it can be earn anytime... time spent working is the point...it'll pass faster...and leave me no time for all these thoughts......whenever i realise that nothing could be help...the sense of guilt is just filling in more and much much more each time...lost......
*emotions over runs me*
me myself & i 05:52
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
LoVe iS lIkE a BuTtErFlY...
tHe MoRe YoU cHaSe It...
ThE mOrE iT eLuDeS yOu...
BuT iF yOu JuSt LeT iT fLy...
It WiLl CoMe To YoU wHeN yOu LeAsT eXpEcT iT...
lOvE cAn MaKe YoU hApPy AnD oFtEn It HuRtS...
bUt LoVe Is OnLy SpEcIaL......
wHeN yOu GiVe It To SoMeOnE wHo Is ReAlLy WoRtH iT...
sO tAkE yOuR tImE aNd ChOoSe ThE bEsT...
me myself & i 11:06
Monday, September 11, 2006
2daes performance was great...till moi leggy tripped moi senior at e ending part...ahhh~...darn it...stupid leg of mine...i'm feelin bad...bad bad bad...should hab place moi leggy sum where else...stupid mi......luv zelia's make-up skills...so pro...so gd...damn nice...hahazzz...but i can't make it...teach mi??? =p ......went c dance competition after tt at esplanade...was nt bad...n saw moi fren in e competition...rather amazed...coz it's his 2nd time dancin onli......super tired...so in train slept all e way through...but they tok verie loud...i can still hear them tokin...hmmm...kk...i was subconsciously awake...but i nv hear wat they sae...subconsciously awake mahz...so onli can sae they VERIE LOUD...hehe......but they verie nice lahz...coz rude 2 slp when ppl tokin ar...but i still slp...hee...tired ar...dan they still so concern...muckzzz...ai si ni men le...
me myself & i 01:56
Sunday, September 10, 2006
a penny of tots...
emotions feelin...
wats reality???
wats illusions???
i no longer noe...
care n luv...
it's wat i long 4...
n gave away...
nw...i'm empty...
lost moiself...
in moi world...
in moi dreamz...
i tear moi heart open...
sew it shut...
wat was i thinkin???
i no longer noe......
i'm sorrie...
me myself & i 04:06
Friday, September 08, 2006
nv blog 4 few daes...tis iz e overview of happenings during attachment period...though it's juz observation......still...i drained out totally...coz of work...dance...insufficient slp...nw...i've fallen sick...but i wun gramble...coz i'm verie happie 4 e 5daes at tpy polyclinic...met new ppl...hab new experiences...n new challenges...i had a great...enjoyable...n fun time wid e nurses n attachment frenz...thanx 2 all hu made it all possible...muckzzz...luv u ppl~~...1st dae of attachment...at tpy polyclinic sia...muahahahaha...yupz...it's mi n moi evil laughter again!!! hahazzz...curious ritez??? i tell u y...it's super relaxin...i bet u all hab 2 observe n attend 2 patients ritez??? hehe...i oso stand e whole dae...but diff...no need attend 2 a single patient...juz stand in toilet n mop e polyclinic floor nia......keke...kk...noe u wonderin y...coz e water pipe at level 3 burst...dan e clinic flooded losz...so we sat in e tea rm...till 9+ 10??? yupz...dan we fill in sum form n do 1 test...after which we TOOK OFF OUR SHOE sia...lyk at hm do spring cleanin...wash n mop e floor...ahhh...dan i kana moi finger bleed...dangerous sia...whakaka...e most funnie thingy iz tt we c doc fold their sleves n pants...walkin around n help lahz...HAHAZZZ...da nan ren do tis kinda thingy...reallie think it's a super duper rare site losz...keke...ya...e toilet part iz due 2 e floodin lahz...dan kana e case notes...aka patients' documents...ya...all gt soak by e water super wet...we gotta make it dry...so e onli solution iz hand dryer losz...hehe...stand in toilet...in front of e hand dryer...hmmm...erm...err...ehhh...mmm...i onli gt 1 word 2 describe sia...HOT...whew~~......ya...u noe polyclinic hab secruity guard wan ritez...ya...tpy 1 verie funnie...level 1 2 3 hab toilets...but c we upstairs usin e gents he oso dun wanna go downstairs use...still sae nvm he wait... -_-"' ...hahazzz...funnie ritez??? dan he still close e main door 2 use even though kellyn step out of e gents liao...keke...super funnie losz...dan he use toilet damn super long wan...longer dan galz sia...can bai him liao le.........2nd dae of attachment...was verie lucky coz i gotta c 2 minor sugical procedures......hmmm...yaya...coz of e 1st dae ritez...e dryin of case notes in e gents...fadhli(security) tok 2 kellyn lahz......yupz...in e gents.....ya...2dae dan i noe...stupid lahz...coz she in gents i in ladies...so we tok across de losz...dan he ask tt 1 ur fren izit...duh~...if nt y we tok...dunno can make frenz mahz...gong...hahazzz...dan ask i singaporean izit...most stupid part iz he sae i quite cute...... -_-"' ......nvm...when he saw her walkin by...still ask "where's ur cute cute fren"...diao~...i faint when i noe lahz...n kellyn still need 2 process hu iz e cute cute fren b4 replyin him...so funnie lahz...hahazzz...n thanx 2 him...frenz gt chance make fun of mi sia......b it iz him or mi...they will sure sae "a...ur cute cute fren"...THANX LAHZ...paiseh sia......he was e tok of e dae...every1 sayin he cute oso...dotz......3rd dae of attachment...2dae early mornin once frenz reach dan they make joke liao...both in tea rm mahz...hai...early mornin make mi paiseh lahz...k nvm......but fadhli wasn't in a gd mood early in e mornin...hmmm...which was rather weird...coz normally smile smile wan...dunno...was too paiseh 2 ask him lahz...so nv losz...onli when leavin ask him 2 cheer up dan bye bye liao le...was rather plain lahz e dae...was in immunisation rm...saw lotta kids n babies...all so ADORABLE lahz...ahhh...wanna carry them hm...dan e rm verie cutez wan...hehe...under e sea pics on e wall......o...dan i was frightened by tis lillte gal...when e nurse inject her...e mother din hold down e kid tightly...dan she kick lahz...i was shocked...coz worrie tt e needle break...but lucky e nurse was fast enuff...if nt......omg...i dun wanna imagine man.........4th dae of attachment...reallie...they can't leave widout makin fun of mi lahz...pig...so gt used 2 it liao...erm...ya...asked how was he feelin...dan he okay liao losz...nv tok lahz...moi skin thin...onli lyk tt...n oso no time tok...hahazzz...ya...wrote a note 2 him...a verie short 1 lahz...out of concern mahz......dan i noe sumthingy sia...he listens 2 our conversation wan losz...pig...coz frenz ask 4 moi hp no...dan i cracked a lame joke lahz..."dial 999...when u gt through e line ask them 2 transfer 2 meixian...when hear dududu...means transferrin in process liao losz"...hahazzz...i noe...it's stupid lahz...but......ya...tt's mi lahz...dan err...how so did he eavesdrop ritez??? though his readin his newspaper seriously...he heard moi joke lahz......coz i walked pass him at a ltr time...n he asked moi no...i juz looked at him losz...n he sae "999 ritez"...pig...but his memory damn gd lahz...was in a rush...so i recite once s i go up e stairs verie quickly...n he caught it sia...wha...envy...i oso wan gd memory......hmmm...when leavin he sae call u 2nitez...wha lau...thanx again...he create another chance 4 them 2 make fun of mi again......ahhh...sick lahz......ya...but he called juz 2 sae thanx losz...coz he was suprised tt he'll actually recieve a note frm sum1...... hai...so depressed...till 2dae...altogether 3 ppl ask m i singaporean...all tot i frm china...stupid lahz...stupid fringe...make mi look lyk de...ahhh.........5th dae of attachment...yesterdae gt tis attendent aunty ask mi write gramma 4 her...so i did...n explained 2 her 2dae losz...hahazzz...wateva......yupz...it's e last dae in polyclinic...mixed emotions throughout e dae...ya...though it's 5daes...but it's nt verie short u noe...we hab alreadie develop feelin 2 e place...2 e staff...n e next min we noe it......it's our last dae...sad......will miss every single 1 of them...coz we've learnt so so so verie much......thanx so much!!! muckzzz~...hmmm...fadhli was so nice...bought sum food 4 all of us...sweet lahz...but i nv eat much...sick ar...same s yesterdae i din eat much at all...yesterdae a drink n sandwich...2dae a little of wat he bought n drink losz......stupid sick bug...keep buggin mi...argh......ya...was intendin 2 slp till break end 1...but in e end nv...tok 2 him...dan he keep sayin wanna slap mi...k losz...let him slap...n he returned a suprise 4 a suprise...dun worrie...he didn't slap mi...i too adorable 4 ppl 2 slap liao...hahazzz...sorrie i BHB again...bleahz...dun tell u wat it was......but i was shock...dan 2pm liao...so i walk of recieving such a "treatment" frm him losz...presentation at 2pm mahz...hahazzz...dan moi hp silent mode...n vibration off...so din c his msg...he tot i angrie...actuallie i nth lahz...juz......speechless...no1 eva did tt mahz...sum more ppl hueva sae tt were juz sayin it out of fun...so...ya...lyk tt losz...dan......hehe...nv reply...he came up 2 tea rm c how m i mahz...dan they joke i oso keep quiet...... =p ...can sae i paiseh ba...i dunno......lyk tt losz...awhile dan okay liao...tok tok losz......time pass so fast...4pm liao...we knock off...but we nv leave...coz e they knock off at 4:30pm...so we waited...n we took pics wid most of them...dan sister sae dunno can take pic in polyclinic nt...lucky can...hee...i'm SO GONNA MISS EVERY1 THERE~~.........our last memories b4 leavin tpy...*sign*...*missin in process*...
me myself & i 13:56
Sunday, September 03, 2006
saturdae's performance...met in sch early 4 zee 2 do make-up...k...alreadie do i look lyk a doll wid e fringe i had cut...after e make-up...e more i look lyk 1...n sum1 juz can't stop sayin "china doll...china doll" ...*box u*...hmmm...performance was nt bad at all...sum more had small small fun after tt......reallie made moi dae......tired...but hab 2 head down 2 wk...coz need go wk gt whack by rabia...if nt we can spend more time 2gether n hab fun wid others too...hai...i oso wan ar...but i can't ar...nv wk so long liao le...no $$$ pay sch fees sia......wk wk wk...it reallie turned moi mood...changed moi dae...hate him...stupid idiot captain of mine...happie happie scold scold scold...everytime lyk tt...dan scold mi...PIG!!! sum more all so bias...stupid 1...y juz bcoz she gt sis wk in there...every1 muz ba jie her izit??! sickenin!!! wk ot...i gib every1 attitude...captain sae wat mi n her nv do b4 so muz b double e fast...but it's e same things 2 b done...did wateva i should n guess wat??! moi colleague cum scold mi "meixian can u pls guide her?" ...pls lahz...dan y no1 guide mi??! she can't open her eyes n c wat ppl do dan she do mahz??! eyes grow there 4 wat 1??! wats more iz everything iz ppl do 4 her lahz!!! wat e hell??! she cum n bai mei wan izit?!! cum here ppl help her do...still can earn $$$...*&!^%@$#...go there shake leg 1 izit??! stupid world...though it's nv fair...but nw...i can stand it no longer!!! all so no back bone...onli wanna suck up 2 others...stupid ppl!!! stupid world!!! argh!!! ahhh~~
me myself & i 04:03
2daes performance was great...till moi leggy tripped moi senior at e ending part...ahhh~...darn it...stupid leg of mine...i'm feelin bad...bad bad bad...should hab place moi leggy sum where else...stupid mi......luv zelia's make-up skills...so pro...so gd...damn nice...hahazzz...but i can't make it...teach mi??? =p ......went c dance competition after tt at esplanade...was nt bad...n saw moi fren in e competition...rather amazed...coz it's his 2nd time dancin onli......super tired...so in train slept all e way through...but they tok verie loud...i can still hear them tokin...hmmm...kk...i was subconsciously awake...but i nv hear wat they sae...subconsciously awake mahz...so onli can sae they VERIE LOUD...hehe......but they verie nice lahz...coz rude 2 slp when ppl tokin ar...but i still slp...hee...tired ar...dan they still so concern...muckzzz...ai si ni men le...
