Sunday, July 16, 2006
been out 2dae wid sam...treasa...angela...jeremy...jing wei...rather glad...coz dunno when was e last time i went out n let down moi hair liao...zhu zhu can alwayz cheer mi up wheneva i'm down...but honestly e joy can onli last 4 a moment no matter how much i try 2 make it last longer...e smile on moi face...juz can't stay.........b happie...hu dun wanna 2??? if there's a choice...i oso wanna choose 2 b happie throughout moi life...but i nt born in2 1 where there's happiness luv or peace...so i can onli find all those frm frenz...but frankly...bein happie...iz ez said dan done...been puttin on a brave front since e dae e relationship ended...can any1 tell mi how 2 let go a nearly 4yrs relationship??? sob...there r so many differences...so many probs...but we'd went through them all...till tis far......we've part...n i've been strugglin verie hard 2 look 4 a float...4 joy...4 e way 2 move on...n i did...wid so many other probs stressin mi at e same time......i was so stressed out...so depressed...but i reallie hab great frenz...hu reallie stood by mi at moi lowest pt of life...i'm verie touched...but where were u??? finally i've set moi heart 2 b happie...2 stop cryin over u...n stop strugglin......u appeared...bursted e float tt i found after so so long of strugglin...bursted moi bubble of joy...caused mi 2 cry again...n once again hurt mi...since u've stepped out of moi life...y can't u juz stay out??! cumin back n state tt...i'm totally hurt...i'm nv shallow...but e way u sae it makes it tt way...wat's more iz tt u sae i'm nt e gal u wan...yet u still sae tt u luv mi??? y??! y every1 iz toyin wid moi feelins??! treatin mi s a spare??! m i bein naive n foolish??! 2 EVERY1 in moi life...i given them all moi trust...all of it...but since sch started...i realised tt i'm makin moiself 2 turn out lyk a big fat fool!!! even moi frenz cheat moi feelins...wat more can i sae abt u??! i believe every1 time n again...but it seems 2 mi tt e more i believed n trusted...e more hurt i'll b......u should b e 1 hu understand mi e most...but it goes 2 show tt u r nt...i've been hurt n cheated enuff...i wanna protect moiself frm all e hurt tt i can get frm every1...but does tt mean tt i muz keep n take away e trust tt i've given 2 every1??? i'm verie lost...i'm reallie depressed...how i wish i can reallie reallie isolate moiself 4 gd...dan i can reallie save all moi tears...tears which rolled 4 ppl hu r nt worth...but...it's nt mi...so unlyk moi character...i muz b a total idoit 2 b so dumb 2 trust every1 wholeheartdly no matter how many times they've betrayed moi turst n hurt mi......*slap moiself*...when can i wake up??? when can i walk out of tis mess...i reallie dunno...wo zhen de yao wo zhi ji jian qiang...coz no matter how strong i may look...deep down...i reallie reallie reallie need a verie strong support 2 hang on...but i'll nv find a support...sob...so teach mi 2 b strong...pls...i juz wanna b strong...strong enuff 2 finish tis path......EMOTIONAL
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July 2006VOICE OUT